valor & bloom birth


Lilia & Chloe


I had a strong intuition that I was pregnant with twins very early on. My HCG was sky high, my progesterone was very low, my belly was growing quickly, and I was really sick - I didn’t have any morning sickness with Elias at all. I felt movement really early, and I could feel it in two distinct places. I also was able to listen to their heartbeats with my fetoscope at home, and found two heartbeats really early on. So we were pretty confident that it was twins. At my first midwife appointment she also suspected twins and we were sent for an ultrasound to confirm.


At 18 weeks it was confirmed that we were having twins, but with this confirmation came some crushing news as well. We found out that twin A (Lilia) had a lot of fluid around her, and twin B (Chloe) did not have very much and was also measuring 2 weeks smaller. This warranted a trip to Vancouver Women’s Hospital for a better look. After a long and painful ultrasound (painful because at this point my uterus was so full of excess amniotic fluid that it felt like it was going to burst and the pressure was unbelievable - it came on very fast), the doctor told us that our babies had what was called twin to twin transfusion syndrome (TTTS). This rare diagnosis can happen in identical twins who share a placenta. Essentially this is where one twin is receiving all the blood and nutrients and the other twin is then left severely lacking, hence the slow growth and little fluid (Chloe), and excess fluid around twin A (Lilia). Along with this information we were also told that twin B (Chloe) had some severe anomalies. In the same breath that the doctor told us this, she also said that we could choose to abort Chloe because of her anomalies. This was obviously a hard no for us and we made that very clear to the doctor.






We had a few minutes to digest this new information and then sat down with the doctor to go over next steps. The first possible “solution” that she brought up was again, to abort Chloe. We said absolutely not, and she agreed to not bring it up again. She explained that we would need immediate surgery to correct the TTTS in hopes to keep the twins alive. However, the doctor who performs the surgeries in Vancouver was on vacation… so the only other option was surgery in Toronto, or aborting Chloe, OR aborting BOTH babies. (This was brought up again even after the doctor said she would not bring it up… she even went as far as to say that it would be a “faster” and “easier” “treatment”. Along with this information of having to travel to Toronto, the doctor told us that it wasn’t even likely that the Toronto doctor would agree to do the surgery because of Chloe’s anomalies, and the fact that we were choosing life for her, but she agreed to ask him anyways. A few hours later we were told that we needed to be in Toronto for surgery at 8am the next morning, with no help for flights or anything… It was a very stressful few hours as we tried to find flights that would get us there in time. There was one red eye flight that would get us into Toronto at 6:30am for an outrageous price, but it was our only option.




The flight was absolutely brutal as I wasn’t allowed to eat, and could not sleep because of the immense pain I was in from the pressure in my uterus. As soon as we arrived at the hospital we were treated with the most tender care and given a bed to rest. We could tell right away that this was where God had us planned to be over Vancouver. We went for another ultrasound and the doctor came in to review with us. This doctor was so kind and understanding, always referring to the twins as “babies” and speaking with such tenderness. He explained to us that Chloe’s anomalies were much worse than we thought. I won’t go into detail, but essentially she had no chance of survival if she were to make it to birth. He told us that he loves to operate on babies and give them a chance at life even if it's very slim, and he does it regularly, but in Chloe’s case, it just wasn’t an option. Still, with this information he did not bring up abortion. He only brought it up once to say that he WOULD NOT do it, because it actually was not the best or safest option for Lilia. Essentially if we chose to abort Chloe, Lilia would sense her sudden and not natural death and would go into shock, trying to send all her nutrients to her sister, and could possibly die as well. Hearing this made us angry that abortion was the first and “best” “solution” in Vancouver, while here in Toronto it was the worst option. While our anger was justified we were also filled with peace that our Savior brought us here to Toronto with this doctor.

We then had a choice to choose between 2 options for surgery. 1) lasering the placenta evenly so that both babies get an equal amount of blood flow from the placenta, or 2) lasering the placenta closer to baby Chloe, so that Lilia had a greater chance at survival. This was an extremely hard decision as we obviously wanted both of our daughters to live, but with Chloe’s anomalies it was medically impossible for her to survive after birth. But we also believe that God can work miracles, so this was heavy on our hearts. We called our pastor and he gave us some biblical wisdom. We decided to do option 2 which gave Lilia a higher chance of survival. This didn’t mean we were killing Chloe, and it wasn’t even a guarantee that she would pass away. The doctor said that it was possible for her to even survive until birth. However, it was likely she would pass away shortly after surgery. Throughout this all we constantly heard the Lord telling us to trust Him. While we might have been making the decisions, this was all in His hands. He was in control and there was nothing we could do but trust. We had peace in this. Knowing that He works all things together for our good and for His glory. All we could do is glorify Him in our decisions, however hard they might have been.


The surgery went very well. Erwin was able to watch the whole thing on a screen beside me as they had a camera on the laser, and he was able to see Lilia and Chloe in the womb, although you could not see much of Chloe. I was pretty out of it but apparently I was singing worship songs. I had no pain after the surgery and the pressure I was feeling in my uterus was immediately gone. I could sit and walk and move around freely. They drained almost 3L of amniotic fluid during the surgery! We spent the night in the hospital and then had an ultrasound the next day, everything looked great and Chloe was still alive. The doctor encouraged us to talk to her and love on her in the next few days while we still could. We were discharged and flew home to Kelowna. It was so nice to be with Elias again.

After a few days at home, we went back to Vancouver for a follow up. It was then confirmed that Chloe had passed away (this would have been sometime around 19 weeks). Lilia was doing well, but she did have some heart complications which is a very common complication after surgery. They also found a “spot” on her brain which they weren’t sure what it was. Ultimately these things didn’t scare us, as we had the peace of Christ in our hearts and we knew that He would hold us and our baby whatever might happen.


We went home and continued on with life, praying daily for healing for Lilia, but ultimately for His will to be done. At our next follow up appointment 6 weeks later the doctors could not find anything wrong with Lilia’s heart or brain. She was 100% healed and everything looked normal. Praise the Lord from whom all blessings flow! He gives and He takes away, but He is ALWAYS faithful, no matter if the situation goes how we want it to or not. We give Him the glory. I was told I was not even high risk anymore and could go on with the pregnancy as normal, while being cognizant that preterm labor was still a very common risk because of the surgery.

At 29 weeks my water broke and we were airlifted to Vancouver Women's Hospital. Everything looked good with baby and I and there were no signs of labor, but we had to stay until 30 weeks for Kelowna to take us back and be comfortable with an early delivery if it should happen. 30 weeks came and went and Kelowna would not allow us to go home because we had declined a few interventions we were not comfortable with. The Vancouver doctors were amazing and so supportive of our decisions, but Kelowna was not. We stayed in Vancouver for 12 days until finally, after being forced to do a few interventions we didn’t want to just to get back to Kelowna, they allowed us back. We were airlifted back and I spent 3 days at KGH, until they decided that since nothing had changed, I was feeling well, and baby was mostly butt down, I could go home.

I had one beautiful night at home with the family and woke up the next morning not feeling quite right. I thought I had maybe just done too much, but then I started noticing contractions coming consistently. We went to the hospital asap, as the contractions were getting worse very fast. When we arrived Lilia’s heart rate was very high, a sign she was in distress. Because of her distress and the fact that she was a preemie breech, we were sent for an emergency c-section within an hour of arriving at the hospital.


The surgery went very well. Lilia was not breathing when she came out, but that was to be expected because of her gestation (31+6). They got her stable and breathing very quickly, and then whisked her away for more tests. Erwin stayed with her. After an hour, I was able to see and hold her. She had a cpap breathing machine and lots of other tubes and cables. But she was perfect.

The next day they took her off breathing support, and she did amazing! She continued to defy all odds as a 31 weeker in the NICU. It was determined that Chloe had an infection, due to my waters being broken for 3 weeks, and that’s what started labour. Isn’t it amazing how God designed the body to protect His children? Lilia was treated for infection and jaundice and recovered remarkably quickly.

We didn’t know if we would be able to see much of Chloe after birth, as she had been passed away in the womb for a few months, and was suspected to be absorbed by the placenta. But by the grace of God, they were able to separate her from the placenta and we were able to see and hold her. She was perfect. We could see all her features - a perfect little human. It was very hard, but brought us a lot of closure as we prayed and thanked God for the brief life that she had and how that life had changed us for the better. We have so much comfort knowing that she is now whole and safe in the Saviour’s loving arms.


Lilia spent 22 days in the NICU, and was discharged right at 35 weeks - our miracle girl.

The difference between Elias’ complication-free pregnancy and homebirth and the twins' story is astronomical, but God has been with us through it all, even if it’s never what we could have imagined or wanted. We are very thankful for the skilled professionals who tenderly cared for us and respected our choices. And we could not have gotten through these tough months without the support of family, friends, and our faith community. I can’t comprehend how someone could go through an experience like this without knowing Jesus. He brought us so much peace and joy amidst the heartache and uncertainty. We can see His hand in every little detail of our story and it brings us so much comfort. If you don’t know Jesus, I promise He is worth it - seek, and you will find Him!